|clichés, misquotes, and (obscure?) references
||[Nov. 21st, 2001|01:38 am]
Dreams. I used to have them once upon a midnight dreary. Now what do I have? Ever lessening time in my life, giving me less chance to reach those dreams with each lost second slipping past.
Hmm, so am I about to sing some sappy song about regrets, that I've had a few? Not my style. My style is complain and gripe for a time to get it out of my system, then move past it. Time to strive even harder for my lost fortune of gold. Damn, what is it with me and one liners from songs and poems tonight?
Well, keeping up the obscure references, the saying that no man is a hero to his butler seems to be going through my head too. 15 years ago, I had a fantasy about what a good life I'd be leading right now. I, my 34 year old self, was my past self's hero. I've spent that time "being my own butler." I'm no hero to myslf. I am not the person I wanted to become. No one ever does become that person.
I have no heros any more. That's not quite true. There still is one person who my memory has enshrined as a hero, but "Marley was dead. There is no doubt about that." to misquote yet another, and my hero has been dead for longer than seven years.
So what is it I'm trying to say here? Nothing. In the long run I and everyone I know are dead and all our words are but ash. Ash is all I have to leave the future right now.
Ok. It's about at this point I say to myself and anyone who cares to hear, "enough of this self-indulgent babble!" It's only a few days till Thanksgiving and while I may not have much to be thankful for there is always the the old "I thought I was poor because I had no shoes till I met a man with no feet" bit. (hey I'm stuck on quoting others might as well continue).
So what! I'm disillusioned! That only means my eyes no longer see the illusion! I may not have the time to shape reality into the way I want it that I had when I was younger, but why should I give up when the game of life is still being played? I haven't been dealt aces and eights yet ( had to finish with another (obscure?) reference).