|going from one extreme to the other
||[Dec. 7th, 2001|08:40 pm]
|||||Call me Mr. In-Between - Burl Ives||]|
Keeping with my last entry I've noticed a little balance problem I have. I can't decide if I'm an introvert or extrovert. Sometimes I'm very comfortable in front of a crowd, actually it's every time I find myself in front of a crowd. After all I don't have to worry about someone boring me with a presentation when I'm the one (hopefully not) boring others.
Afterward though I start getting second thoughts about what I said and did sometimes. I worry that my words or actions were taken the wrong way and I have unintentionally insulted, hurt, or simply made a bad impression. Sometimes I go so far as to give an inappropriate and unnecessary apology when no offense was taken and no apology was needed.
That happened just recently. I made my first comment in someone's journal here. Had second thoughts about how the comment would be received and deleted it.
I have some personal rules I try to live under. Two of them I violate when I start this obbsive/compolsive behavior described above. Rule 6 Be self-confident! Second guessing myself isn't a sign of self-confidence. Rule 3 Satori. A Japanese word for "living in the now." Obsessing about past actions certainly violates that too.
As I said in my first post, I'm changing. I'm in a transition phase. When I was younger I wanted to "know myself." Now that I'm older and simply want to "be myself" and don't care about "knowing myself," I've got more knowledge of me and less of the essence. Ironic.