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forgive for yourself, not the transgressor [Aug. 10th, 2004|11:54 pm]
Nite Mirror
"I forgive, but I don't forget" was something I told people. Suddenly, I have a new understanding of that phrase. It used to mean to me "Sure, I'll pretend the event never happened. Meanwhile, I going to hold a secret resentment about it." In other words, I simply pretend to forgive and went along believing my own lie that I've forgiven people.

Then yesterday on the radio I heard that people need to forgive not for the sake of the person who wronged them but to get rid of their own negative emotions festering inside them. That really struck a cord with me. Yes, remember and don't set yourself up to be wronged again in the same way. On the other extreme, don't carry it around like a mariner's albatross either.

[User Picture]From: jenny_evergreen
2004-08-11 05:56 am (UTC)
*firm nod* I'm happy to see you have that realization. :)
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[User Picture]From: nitemirror
2004-08-12 12:18 am (UTC)
Actually, my blue funk may have been exaggerating some things I said. I haven't been in the best of moods for a long time now. I prob. would have disappeared this entry if you hadn't commented.

BTW, I like this icon of yours.
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[User Picture]From: jenny_evergreen
2004-08-12 06:13 am (UTC)
As someone who came to actually forgive someone, I'd say you were quite correct. In my experience, that's exactly what most people mean when they say "forgive but don't forget". The truth is that if you AREN'T using it to justify holding on to resentment/anger/pain, you don't really need to say it. (The not forgetting part really goes without saying...it's only sensible to avoid putting oneself/others in a potentially harmful situation. But one can do that without feeling anything other than practical.) Forgiveness really is about freeing yourself from those negative emotions, because they really do hurt only you.

Thanks, it's my "dreamy" rose_soup icon. That's an extreme close-up of a rose with the silhouette of a soup bowl superimposed. I love the way the center of it looks like an eye. :)
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