Half the time I feel I'm writing BS here. What little I know isn't needed to be said/written (except maybe to myself, but then why put it up on the internet?).
I waver between feeling like one of the most foolish people alive and having delusions of wisdom. As always the truth is somewhere in between. We all play the fool, and on occasion we may get to pretend we are wise too.
What in the world am I trying to say here? What am I doing with an internet journal? I addressed this questions in a rambling post that never made it onto the internet. [it incorporated that question, Hamiltonian vs. Jeffersonian political philosophy, and musing about a possible (but extremely impractical) medium for basing a constructed language].
Anyway, in that rambling I settled on the fact part of it is my desire to communicate and expand my circle of friends. I don't make friends easily, and as I'm getting older I'm realizing it becomes even more difficult to make new friends.
I also and much more verbosely mused that it was a mixture of wanting to impress and pass on wisdom (Hamiltonian philosophy) versus simply being a voice in an already wise chorus (Jeffersonian).
Simply I just want to be "here." That is my "default mode," blending into the background. It used to trouble me when my friends started reminiscing about past events and had to ask me if I was there when such and such occurred. My closest friends were the ones who didn't need to ask that question.