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I've got a family member who does a "poor me" act on a more than… - Nite Mirror [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Nite Mirror

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[Jan. 1st, 2002|05:41 pm]
Nite Mirror
I've got a family member who does a "poor me" act on a more than regular basis. I've become callous to it. To the point now that when this person may have some complaints with merit I wrongly become upset.

I'm writing about this because of an entry in another person's journal. I gave her the set answers that I use to deal with my relative. She replied that my answers wouldn't work. Selfish, callous, cruel, unfeeling, and insensitive were words that were brought up.

I started to reply, but then I couldn't. At least I couldn't reply in her journal. Here, I will admit to 4 of those 5 attributes when it comes to dealing with that one relative who upsets me (in dealing with this relative selfishness doesn't normally apply one way or the other).

With my relative It's the "boy who cried wolf" story. Now that the person is getting advanced in years and the complaints may well have some merit I still doubt them.

Everyone in the family knows the situation, and knows that there is no real animosity between this person and I, but now I have to actively stop my initial reactions to that person's whining and ask if there might be some merit to the complaint this time.

I like to think of myself as a caring and empathic person, but I'm not always. (Simply for my own ego, I will sate those are traits others have told me I have.).

I think it was Mark Twain who said something to the effect that no man truly likes what he sees deep within his own heart. All I can say is we all have a dark side that we act upon from time to time.

We are all bastards at some point or another in our lives, the trick is to keep those times to a minimum.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: jenny_evergreen
2002-01-01 05:32 pm (UTC)
Nite Mirror, I'm concerned that you misunderstood what I was saying. I was not saying that your answers *were* selfish, callous, cruel, unfeeling, or insensitive. I was saying that the person you use them on will probably a. interpret them that way and b. try to manipulate the situation so that others interpret them that way as well.

I fully understand how frustrating and angering dealing with a person who is like that is, and you have my sympathy. I wish I had something more helpful to offer.
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[User Picture]From: nitemirror
2002-01-01 06:49 pm (UTC)
I realize you weren't directing those comments at me, which is why I didn't name you specifically before, and also why I moved my comments into my own journal.

I was just having some "delusions of wisdom" and when I went to reply to you I realized I not only had no arguments to defend the "solution" I gave when you said it wouldn't work. I also realized I was being a bit of a hypocrite too. My hypocrisy was more what created this entry then your statements.

The truth is, toward that particular family member, I can be those things at times. *Decades* of that person acting childish has numbed me to some real problems he has now. Even though most of his problems are self-created he still deserves more sympathy than I show him.
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[User Picture]From: jenny_evergreen
2002-01-01 07:04 pm (UTC)
*nod of understanding* Okay. Just wanted to make sure. *smile*
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