||[Jul. 10th, 2003|08:03 pm]
What do I get out of it? |
A selfish question that if answered boils down to what motivates a person. A lot of times I have trouble seeing the long term reward which could be a reason I am nowhere near where I want to be in my life, and have had trouble motivating myself in the past.
I'm "getting it" now. I'm also obsessing on the things I lost along the way. It's hard not to obsess when one of my main goals is to recapture a few of the things I lost. I'm walking a sword blade. Keeping my eyes on a prize I may or may not get, while trying not to sink into feelings, resentments, and hopes associated with what I had. The best I can do is prepare for a future, and have a backup plan if I can't recapture ... things.
Time is against me. It is also my greatest ally. On the one hand I *need* to have some goals accomplished yesterday which isn't going to happen, but just maybe I can still squeeze them in. On the other hand, I know with action I can achieve a number of my goals in a relatively short time after I am released from some binding obligations I have. It is simply a matter of time and providence.
Providence -- now there is a word I haven't thought of in a long time. I think a digression is upon me.
1. Care or preparation in advance; foresight.
2. Prudent management; economy.
3. The care, guardianship, and control exercised by a deity; divine direction.
4. Providence. God.
I guess I was using the 3 definition when I first typed the word, but 1 and 2 strike me as much more compelling -- Preparation in advance, ... and motivation.
Yes, perhaps I didn't digress as much as I thought I would.
Motivation - To provide with an incentive; move to action; impel.
So I have a "move to action" to let me "prepare in advance."
I guess I'll just trust in providence to be my motivation (with all of providence's meanings implied here).
Hmm, sounds good to me, but as SeQpIr said mu', mu', mu' (or as we Earthlings translated Shakespeare from the "original" Klingon; "words, words, words" [Hamlet act II scene II]).
These are just words. It lies not in the telling, but in the doing that matters.
note from when I was proofreading this: Does anyone else think the word "selfish" looks *wrong*? I know it's spelled correctly, but whenever I read the word I tend to see the words "self" and "fish" shoved together instead of selfish.
maw'bej, 'ach meqlaw'taH - one of my favorite quotes from Hamlet. ("Though this be madness, yet there is method in 't.")